


Eyes Closed

by Vinu



Category: Kpop - Fandom, NCT (Band), NCT 127 - Fandom, NCT U - Fandom, WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, And be loved, Angst, Angst and Feels, Developing Relationship, Doyoung just wants to love, Drinking, Gay, Gay Male Character, Kissing, M/M, Passive-aggression, Past Relationship(s), Sad, Ten is stubborn and stupid, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Yuta is all knowing, taeyong is confused
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 10:25:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18179402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinu/pseuds/Vinu
Summary: Doyoung has never been good at doing what's best for him and Ten just might be the worst.





	Eyes Closed

Doyoung has spent the better part of ten minutes feeling the weight of Ten's gaze on him from across the room, and it has formed an uncomfortable knot in his stomach that only seems to tighten as the seconds pass. Johnny's living area is dimly lit but enough that he can discern Ten leaning against the doorway, a slight smile playing on his lips as he watches the gathering.

And Doyoung.

He keeps bouncing his knee, rooted to his spot on the couch and nursing a beer that he's been reluctant to finish. A part of him is angry at himself for being uncomfortable—he has as much right as anyone to be around their friends—and the rest of him longs to slip out without anyone noticing. But bodies are thrown across every available chair in the room (and the floor) and his friends are decidedly less drunk than normal, which makes his plan void.

His phone has served as his only viable distraction for the night, and he can't count how many bullshit clickbait articles he has devoured to kill time. He wishes he could shake off Ten's gaze, that he would find something better to occupy himself with but as usual with his wishes, it doesn't come true.

"Think he'll get his ass over here anytime soon?" Yuta pipes up from behind the rim of his beer bottle. Beer only is the rule of the night and Doyoung knows his friends are better off for it but for once in his life, he wants them to be drunk and unaware of his clammy hands and the anxious tick in his jaw.

"Hopefully never," he mutters under his breath, but his friend's scoff makes it clear he wasn't quiet enough.

A look passes between them before Yuta says he's going to get another beer and asks if Doyoung wants one. He declines and Yuta rises, freeing space on the tiny couch. He leaves for the kitchen and Doyoung busies himself with listening to the muted chatter in the room. He's too conscious of the empty seat beside him, praying that Ten doesn't take that as an invitation. His prayers go unanswered when Ten crosses the room in too few strides for a person of his stature and plops down next to him. The leg of his pants brushes against Doyoung's. Too Close. He notices the bottle of wine in his hand, no doubt out of Johnny's liquor cabinet.

"I thought that what happened two weeks ago would have made you learn." He doesn't know why he chooses to break the silence and regrets it when Ten angles his body towards him, knee pressing into the side of his leg.

"I have Johnny's permission," he tells him, that seem smile still in place. Doyoung lifts his eyes to their host, who tears his attention from the TV to lift a shoulder in a helpless shrug. He bristles. They're all too lenient on him. "Besides that was...a special occasion."

Doyoung's answer is low and strained.

"Yeah well, I'm not cleaning up after you again."

"You really know how to suck the fun out of everything," Ten quips, and the look he gives him reminds Doyoung of how his parents used to look at him in the rare instance he tried to talk back to them. He feels the same defensiveness rise up now, poised and ready to strike.

"I wouldn't call nearly drinking yourself to death over your ex-boyfriend fun, but to each his own."

Ten recoils, and not even half a second later he wants to take the words back and bury them in his heart. Doyoung's skin prickles and he knows that every pair of eyes in the room are staring at them, but he only sees Ten. His expression shifts back to its usual coolness, but Doyoung hadn't missed his wide eyes. He was stung by what he said, and it had brought him some strange satisfaction.

"Let's call that a one-time thing," is his muted statement. There's no anger in his voice, and this is enough for the others to go back to minding their own but Doyoung had seen the flash of hurt in his eyes. He runs an agitated hand through his hair. Why the fuck did he have to go and say that for? He wants to blame it on the beer, but God knows he hadn't drunk nearly enough. He curls his hands to fists that rest on top of his thighs.

"Listen, I...I'm sorry. That was—,"

"What? The truth? What you really think? I'm a big boy, I can handle your judgment."

Doyoung scowls. "You just have to make it harder, don't you?"

"I've been told I excel at that," Ten shoots back, and the implication behind his tone isn't missed. Doyoung shakes his head and takes to his feet. Why had he even tried? Ten likes to pride himself on being accepting and open-minded but he's about as bullheaded as can be when it comes to himself. If he could take one second to pull his head out of his own ass to see that Doyoung is trying to apologize...

"You know what, I'm not even gonna bother," he finally says, taking to his feet. He wills his body to move away from Ten, walk out the door and let the cold air outside clear his mind. The other boy watches him with carefully schooled neutrality. Why can't he bring himself to leave?

"What?" he gives in, his voice more weary than snappish.

Ten lifts one slender shoulder in a shrug. "You tell me. People would argue I should be the one with their panties in a twist. You know, with what the whole dumped loser with a drinking problem thing."

Doyoung swallows back a jolt of anger, mixed with the despicably familiar sensation of jealousy. He wants to grab Ten by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. He wants to tell him that he's always been looking for things in the wrong place. He wants to tell him a great many things, but he settles for giving him a stony glance and grabbing the bottle of wine from his hands. Ten makes a surprised noise but Doyoung’s at the door before he can contemplate looking back.

"I'm taking the car," He announces to Johnny.

Ten's voice remains with him after he's outside under the blanket of pitch black sky broken only with the occasional twinkling star.

"At least leave the damn wine."

* * *

Between sighing over his unfinished paper on crime and gender roles and skipping every song on his playlist, Doyoung thinks about Ten. About how his composure had shattered when he’d brought up his ruined relationship, even if just for a moment. He can’t deny that he had felt satisfied then, for a split second before the familiar ache chased the feeling away. But he can’t get that fraction of a second out of his mind. It disgusts him, how he’d liked the fact that he was in pain. Just like Doyoung.

Since when is he so bitter?

He thinks back to the night of Taeyong’s birthday, how one minute he’d been listening to Yuta bitch at him for not wanting to drink and the next, trying to shake awake an unconscious Ten. He still remembers the panic that had gripped him when he’d stumbled on him passed out in the bathroom, skin icy and tinged with blue. Yuta hauled him out and got him in the backseat while Doyoung had driven, breaking a few dozen road rules and praying to every god out there that the idiot wouldn’t choke on his own puke and die.

“You’re not dying in my fucking car,” he’d said through gritted teeth. And he hadn’t. They had treated him for alcohol poisoning while Doyoung filled forms, ignoring the disapproving looks the staff were giving him. Taeyong had arrived later, white-faced and stricken. Doyoung summed up his shaking hands and glossy eyes to the fact that he was Ten’s boyfriend. Until he’d earned the truth. Ten was in that room because Taeyong wasn’t his boyfriend anymore.

He hadn’t known who he was angry at, Ten for nearly drinking himself to death, or Taeyong for letting him. So he did what he did best and chose to be pissed off at his own damn self.

Doyoung hadn’t stayed the night in the hospital. He likes to pretend it’s because there wasn’t a point to it if Ten didn’t know he was there. But the truth is that he couldn’t stand to be around him or Taeyong. So the latter had stayed instead, resigned to spending the night in the waiting room while Doyoung left with Yuta. His friend hadn't said a word, even though Doyoung had felt his gaze burning into the side of his face during the ride back.

That had been two weeks ago, and he hasn’t been able to look Ten in the eye since. It frustrates him because he’ll be lying if he says that in the darkest, most hidden corners of his mind, he hasn't hoped for this so many times. But now, all he can think is how badly the loss of his two-year relationship with Taeyong has affected Ten.

Doyoung heaves a sigh, pressing the power button of his laptop. His essay could wait for another time. Not unlike those first few days after he'd gotten out of the hospital, he has the moronic urge to call Ten. He can't escape the strange sensation of longing mixed with anger that courses through him whenever he thinks of the guy, which is more often than is healthy.

The sky outside his window is darkening from purples and pinks to blue, and he’s contemplating taking a walk to get his bearings when his phone buzzes. He blinks. Once, twice. The name that flashes on his phone doesn’t change like he expects it to. His throat feels parched, and he allows himself a moment of hesitation to consider all he’s been thinking about. Then he grabs his jacket, smoothes his black hair and leaves his apartment.

_“Can we talk? The playground near your apartment building.”_

Two flights of stairs and halfway through the walk to the playground, Doyoung realizes he hasn't even replied to Ten. His buries his hands deeper in the pockets of his jacket and decides it doesn't matter. Let him have a taste of being left hanging for a change. It takes him a couple of minutes to reach the playground and he smiles a bit, watching parents take their protesting kids home under the yellow glow of streetlamps. Ten stands under one of these, his gaze fixed to his phone. The many piercings in his ears gleam in the low light, and Doyoung's smile drops. He itches to turn back.

"You came," Ten exclaims, straightening as he notices him. Even drawn to his full height, he's tiny, and that coupled with his unguarded expression sends a twinge of _something_ through Doyoung.

"Well," he starts, taking a few tentative steps forward, "you asked."

All hints of surprise leave Ten's face and his expression melts into nonchalance but Doyoung can sense something bubbling beneath it.

"I'm don't want to beat around the bush. I called you here because I didn't get a chance to say thanks before."

Doyoung frowns. "What?"

Ten ignores him, his eyebrows meeting in concentration as he tries to find the words to explain himself. "That's not right. It isn't that I didn't get a chance, it's that I didn't know how. But thank you."

Doyoung stays silent, wanting to hear it from him. Ten sighs, running a hand through his short black hair. "You're really gonna make me say it. Fine. Thanks for that day. For being the one who drove me there. To the hospital." It sounds like he's yanking the words out of himself and Doyoung feels a stab of guilt for making him. He wills it to disappear, but it stays, persistent between the two of them.

"It's what anyone would have done," he murmurs.

"Maybe, but it was you. So thanks."

Doyoung stares at the ground, not knowing what to say. He's avoided Ten since he was discharged for this reason. He doesn't like having to live with the fact that if he hadn't found him, there's a high chance that Ten wouldn't be here now. Because Taeyong has stopped returning his feelings. Because Doyoung can't fucking accept his. The thoughts make him ill.

Ten breaks the stale silence. "You were there, but you didn't stay. Why?"

He snaps his eyes to Ten's and shrinks at the intensity in them. His hands are sweaty in his pockets, even when the cool breeze kisses his cheeks.

"Taeyong was there instead," he manages, his voice dull even to him.

The effect of the name is instantaneous. Ten's gaze falters, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat. Doyoung stares in bitter aware of how much emotion Taeyong ignites in him. In those seconds, he can glimpse every thought Ten has had about the boy, every whispered word, every desperate touch. He wants to wipe all those memories away. Preferably with his lips.

Ten's next words fuel that desire. "I'd rather it had been you instead."

The nostalgia on his face has passed. In its place is something that Doyoung doesn't want to name. It sends a shiver up his spine, and he can't decide if it's pleasant or not.

"You don't mean that," he breathes. He's aware of Ten coming closer, close enough that their fingers will together if either of them moves.

"Don't I?" Ten hums and Doyoung feels his breath somehow near his neck. It makes him break out in gooseflesh. He settles for staring somewhere around Ten's shoulder—he'll crumble if he looks him in the eyes. Fuck, he's already crumbling. He's imagined this happening so many times before, but never like this. Never slow and drawn out and with Ten's fingers tangling with his own while the other fists a handful of his collar.

He tugs down. Doyoung lets him. Their lips meet, and even as the touch threatens to overwhelm him, Doyoung thinks of seafoam meeting sandy shores. Ten's lips are soft as he moves them over his, a smooth, almost lazy movement. He doesn't insist, and surprise registers in the back of Doyoung's mind. He's always thought of him as domineering. But all he does is press his lips to Doyoung's, unhurried, never demanding. Which is probably a good thing because he's pretty sure that he doesn't know how to respond to _that_.

Ten pulls away and Doyoung reminds himself how to breathe. In, out, definitely not stare at Ten's lips, which are pulled back into a smile. The glint of his teeth catches in the dark and what they've done finally hits Doyoung. He feels the panic set in, first slow and then insistent. Ten is talking, oblivious to the weight in his stomach.

"I've always wondered how that would feel like."

It sounds like the truth and that terrifies Doyoung. He untangles his fingers from Ten's.

"What was that?" he asks and he feels like a stranger in his own body. Ten is frowning but he isn't in the state of mind to care what he may seem like.

"A kiss?" he offers, bemused. "Listen, I thought that—,"

"Fuck," Doyoung mutters. He's wanted this for so long and a selfish, stupid part of him entertains the thought of grabbing Ten and kissing the confused look right off him. But the more conscious part of him remembers Ten's face when he'd said Taeyong's name. Remembers what he'd seen there.

"Doyoung?" comes Ten's voice but he dodges the arm that reaches for him.

"Fuck," he says again, "I need to go."

"Did I do something wrong?" Ten's voice is higher than normal, and Doyoung looks away before he has to see the sting of rejection there.

"You don't have feelings for me," Doyoung bursts out before he can stop himself.

Ten scoffs. "You've decided that all for yourself, have you?"

"You didn't deny it," Doyoung points out. And then he repeats, "I need to go."

Ten doesn't try to stop him, even though he's gazing at his face intently. He takes his lack of action as an invitation to leave, and Doyoung has to fight not to glance back as he strides away, afraid to look at the boy whose kisses he knows he'll spend the night dreaming about.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> *Set in College
> 
> I wish I knew how this started, but I wanted to write, and I somehow ended up picking DoTen because I thought their dynamic in this sort of situation would be interesting to write about. I have a rough idea of where I want this to go and it won't be long, probably just 8-ish chapters in total? I'm not sure yet but I really love writing in Doyoung's POV so far and Ten is always interesting to work with so I hope to do the pairing some justice! 
> 
> This is the first fic I've posted here in years, though I was never very active. Either way, I'll be glad if you give this story a chance and stick with it to the end.
> 
> Love, V.


End file.
